What’s in a name? Specifically, your family name?
Returning home to the Midwest always has its interesting points with seeing family, friends and all the usual suspects that I don’t get to enjoy too often in person. They often shake their heads at this Free Spirit coming back from her west coast California life. This past trip was no exception in the regard that I go to see everyone I wanted and spend time with people that I love and hold so near to my heart. Sure, there are always interesting experiences where family is concerned and I sould be lying if I said that we are as close as the Brady Bunch, yet there is something to be said for blood lines.
This trip would be an eye opener for me, however, and unexpected joy filled my heart as I reconnected with my past in a way that I could have never dreamed.
My parents were divorced when I was four-years-old and it was my mom that left to be on her own and we four kids stayed behind with Dad. The four kids in my family all chose to respond to the divorce in our own separate ways and as I have grown to realize more and more about myself and my own responses to events in this life, I realize that we all handle things that life throw at us in different ways for very different reasons. Maybe, just maybe, if you were a product of a divorce, you too may resonate with that thought. The lives we choose to live as a result of divorce are without a doubt impacted by the event itself at any age. Our age and position in life at that moment may very well dictate how we choose to see things.
Being the baby, I chose to want to keep the family together, to not give up hope that we could stay in contact with our mom and her side of the family. It has varied over the years and with my mom’s mental illness, (the reason for the divorce) it was always touch and go as to what level that connection would be. It could be deep one day with great conversation and catching up regularly. Or we could go months or years of loosely intelligible connectivity and patterns of disconnect.
This trip in visiting my mom gave me the opportunity to reconnect with Aunt Mary and Uncle John for the first time since I was a little girl. I don’t even remember them, yet they remembered me. Now it was time to reunite and reconnect. Boy, was it worth it.
For many years I had denied my mom’s side of the family of being a part of my life due to my own pride and hurt feelings. And here I was finally getting to see a side of that family that I could have easily missed out on.
Aunt Mary and Uncle John are the epitome of an amazing Midwest family. With several children, multiple sets of grandchildren and 54 years of marriage, great health and still going strong on the farm of over 1200 acres in their 70s, I was proud to see that flowing through my family line. Love was their answer for being where they were at. They didn’t say that, they showed it.
Uncle John bought my sister, my mom and myself a nice “supper” (a.k.a. dinner to city folk) at the local pizza hot spot. We enjoyed catching up on family history. I learned my mom’s family name, Spykerboer (now, can you just imagine the excitement I had in having that as a family name?), meant “nail farmer” in Dutch. I was in awe of the beauty of that. My family history shows that they were hard working builders. “Farmers” of wood and craftmanship. They were entrepreneurs of creation. I smiled to myself as I realized that my entreprenerial creativity and Spirit did not just come from my Dad’s side of the family. I was blessed with a double dose of creativity and hard work ethic that drives the farmer, the carpenter and the entrepreneur to have pride in what they do in creating their own business every day.
After sharing in the family pictures, we said our goodbyes and talked about a future family reunion with all the cousins, aunts and uncles. Something I have been waiting for after nearly 30 years of no communication and no connectivity.
Amazing what time and patient persistence in communicating with my mom was able to offer.
Family says a lot about who you are and where you are today.
What does your family name say about you? I encourage you to check it out this week. Ask your family what the meaning of your name(s) is/are. Reconnect with that parent, that cousin, that grandparent, that you maybe have not said hello to in years. You just never know what you might find out about yourself.